While I had a wonderful day at work and helping MIL out. It was emotional for me. I don’t understand why it comes like it does but the smallest comments will set me off.
I canceled plans I had for this weekend to take the girls to the American Girl Place. But maybe Pat and I will still take them, who knows.
While I am so excited about my new Nikon… yes that is right for Christmas I bought myself a Nikon D3000. I am so excited for it to arrive, I cna’t wait to start learning to take pictures with it! I know this is considered the “entry level” DSLR but I can’t wait!
Yesterday I took another HPT just to see if the line was fading or what.. it was so light you could barely see it. I know this is what I wanted to see. I know it means the miscarriage is going naturally and I wont need a d&c….. but it doesn’t mean I feel any better about it. I have my days where I feel great and optimistic and other days where I know I won’t ovulate or get pregnant without fertility meds.
My husband can’t wait to add to our family either but he thinks I should take a few months to loose more weight first…. I agree with him… I do… but I have this achy feeling deep inside. I still feel like a piece of me is missing.
Samantha is always happily singing “were going to have a baby again” and while I pray that happens soon, I don’t want to cause her any heartache if it doesn’t happen.
The worst part of this whole thing is I miss my friend so much. Jillian and I had been friends since Kindergarten and we haven’t talked in months. I miss her more than I could ever explain. It’s hard when there is one person who I could always turn to and get everything out to was her. That is another little piece of me missing.
Christmas is here and it’s supoose to be the happiest time of the year, time for fmaily traditions and celebrations and I jsut don’t feel like celebrating. I force a smile and pretend to be alright but inside I am screaming. Inside I am crying so hard I’m gasping for air.
I guess if something positive has come from this, I have learned to appreciate my husband for more than I did. I look at him and see what makes me whole, I look at him and see love, and hope. …Memories and the future… I look at him and I see home.