For anyone who has ever gone through loss.. ANY kind of loss you know how hard it is to put a smile on our face for the rest of the world.
Two weeks ago we suffered yet another pregnancy loss. It sucks. plain sucks! And for the past two weeks I have had to put a smile on and pretend everything is alright. That I am fine and it’s no big deal.
But in all honesty I feel like people are ignoring me now, and purposely staying away. Before the loss those people were messaging me or calling me daily. I guess sometimes people just would rather stay away than say things that could be taken wrong, or they might not even know what to say.
I know I have a hard time with my words. And a simple I am sorry is more than enough. Sometimes though I guess I would rather people sa nothing.
I am beyond sick of hearing “It’s God’s Will” It’s like you are saying we weren’t good enough. Or God is angry at us.
I am tire of pretending to be fine, because I have to see it 1,000 times a day and hear about all my friend’s pregnancies and seeing the baby’s heartbeat or finally finding it on the home Doppler. I am tired of putting a smile on my face. I am tired of feeling like a failure.
I think the hardest part of this process is that the process is still NOT OVER… I have a constant daily reminder of what could have been.
I remember going through this same thing three years ago, before having Shelby and I prayed I would never go through that pain again. a tiny piece of my heart is forever gone and I just want to move forward……
I am truly grateful that these three are here daily.. daily reminders of how lucky I am.