For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
wow…. to think back one year ago… one whole year ago I felt like my whole world was crashing, I still remember thinking “how could God be so good and love me when he is making me go through this. What have I done to deserve this?” and about a million other questions filled my heard as my heart broke.
“well it looks like it’s a miscarriage”… the ER dr told me. My husband of course was with me, holding me but I knew he had no idea what to do or how to heal my pain.
I went through Thanksgiving depressed. How could I be thankful during his time? How could I possibly offer thanks, give myself to the Lord when he has made me go through this?
So, I opened my heart and prayed, and asked God for any answer….. one of my favorite songs is Hungry (falling on my knees), the only thing I could do was pray by using this song…..
Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart
Is living for
Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life
I did have many things to be thankful for, my mind was cloudy with grief and disbelief… but then I saw these little faces.
These two little people are who got me through the worst Holiday Season of my life. I know they will never know just what they did for me but every day seeing them happy and laughing go me one day closer to feeling better.
I will still never understand why God felt I needed to go through that heartbreak, and pain when I did. But I do think that he will never give me anything I can not handle, and I feel like it made me stronger.
Here we are a year later and we have a tiny little miracle on the way. My husband said it best… “It just wasn’t our time yet. When the time is right for us it will happen.”
This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:”I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.