First off I am amazed by the out pouring of compassion and love my friends, both online and in real life have shown towards me. I love that my friends can tell me that there is nothing they can say that will make me feel better, and then they say this f**king sucks! And it does suck!
I am starting to get past the bitter stage, you know the part where you get angry because crack addicts can get pregnant and have babies after babies, or people who live on welfare have babies after babies… while couples who can support their children, and have so much love and offer the world to a child struggle with fertility. …. yes, I am starting to get past this stage and anxious to move on.
My friend Maureen came and found me at work today and said “don’t worry, we know in a few weeks you’ll be knocked up again” I laughed, it was great for someone to make fun comments like that, even though she knows of the fertility issues, it was great to just laugh with my friends.
Each day this past week I have had more calls, emails, texts and comments with love and support from my family and friends. Without you I would still be crying in my bed. Each day another friend or coworker tells me their story, we talk and while I feel sad for their loss as well I guess it’s nice to know I am not alone. I know that sounds bad because I don’t want any woman to ever feel this kind of pain and heartache, but talking about our losses and our pain helps…. a lot.
While the pain gets better, I don’t think I will ever forget. 10 years down the road I’ll think of what this baby could have been, what kind of personality would he/she have? Would they have looked like me or like their big sisters.. questions that will only be answered when I meet our little angel in Heaven.
Thank you.. to all of you. From the bottom of my heart I appreciate all of you.