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I feel so empty… yet so blessed

Willow Tree- Angel of Prayer

Willow Tree- Angel of Prayer

and I know that sounds crazy because really I should feel blessed, and I do.  Going through this loss has made me appreciate my two beautiful daughters even more. How truly special they are and how perfect they are.

While waiting for the Dr. to confirm what I already knew was happening I cried. Cried because I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, and cried because after 3 years of wanting and praying I finally felt God has answered my prayers to give us another child. I still remember driving home from going to the store, crying and praying to God that if we are meant to have another child to let us. The very next day when I thought my period was coming I decided to waste the last tests I had and to my shock and surprise got a positive test.

This past Monday I had a feeling something was wrong, and again I prayed to God to give me answers. Even if they were ones I didn’t want to hear. The next morning I woke up to bleeding. Well God gave me the answer I prayed but it was not the one I wanted…. but at least I knew what was going on.

While my heart breaks for this loss, I know God heard my prayers, and although I wish instead of dealing with heart ache I was hugging the toilet puking my brains out I know he will never give me anything I can’t handle.

Here is something that I found scary in it’s self… 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. BUT the good news is my Dr. told me I am more fertile now, than I was 6 months ago, and he strongly believes it wont take us very long to conceive again.

Hubby and I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. The texts, emails and phone calls. The support we have received over the past week from friends and fmaily is amazing and I truly appreciate it.

We will start our Holiday Season with open arms and accept the Lords plans for us. I finally have closure and am excited for our new chapter to begin and I hope that means a rainbow baby is in our near future!

About the Author

Amanda Acuña an influential Mom Blogger. She created MommyMandy as an online resource to the parenting community. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has three daughters, ages 14,11, 5 and a son who is 2. They currently reside in Texas.

8 Responses to “I feel so empty… yet so blessed”

  1. Kristie says:

    I’m so sorry! Hugs and prayers for comfort, strength and a new little rainbow baby 🙂

  2. Sarah says:

    Amanda, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We went through two miscarriages ourselves and a loss at 25 weeks. Do yourself a favor and make your peace with it in your own time. Good things come to those who wait, right? 🙂 Thinking of you guys and hope for amazing things in the near future!

  3. Betty N says:

    You are a good Christian witness..in your sorrow you still turn to God and know that He is still in control. I know God will honor your faithfulness to Him.

  4. Wendy W says:

    You are right when you said God gives us only what we can handle, although it may seem like to much sometimes, He knows best. I admire your strength and your faith and I pray for you and your family that God’s will for you be done. Blessings to you this Christmas!

  5. Melanie says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You are right that God never gives us more than we can handle. However, you still have to get through it and that’s the hard part. Your attitude is awesome, but I know you still feel pain. My words seem empty. I will pray for you. God Bless you and your family.

  6. First of all, thank you for your heartfelt comment on my post about the H1N1 shot. I know some people and some comments are just there to make the authour upset, but then…. I also don’t want to be the kind of person who only allows their own opinion on their site. That’s why I left it up, despite the hateful tones behind it.

    Secondly… I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have never experienced such a loss and therefore I know there aren’t any words to make the hurt go away, or even subside… But sometimes it’s just enough to have a safe place to talk about it.
    I really am sending the best energy and thoughts that I have your way. I am so, so sorry.

  7. Heather H. says:

    You are truly amazing and I know God will continue to bless you in some many ways.

  8. Kristie Gardner says:

    Amanda, my heart breaks right there with you. After having 3 beautiful girls, I became pregnant. At 12 weeks (October 2006), I had a miscarriage and was heartbroken for this little life I lost. In December of the same year, we found out we were pregnant again! I could not believe it! I started to bleed at 6 weeks and just knew something wasn’t right, but much to my surprise, the ultrasound showed something very different: a beating heart, a moving baby. In August of 2007, I gave birth to my first son. God is so good ALL the time. I know He will sustain you through all of this. It hurts and you need time to grieve. I still find myself wondering what he/she looks like, but I hold on to the hope that I will one day see him/her in heaven! Praying for you and your family. May you have a very blessed Christmas! ;o)

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