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A secret I wish I would never have kept….

Four weeks ago I was denying the fact that I knew … It was my older sister who told me to take a test. I waited a week and then decided after the signs became more clear…… that pink line instantly came up. Right away I knew this had to be a viable pregnancy. All the signs and symptoms were there. I couldn’t possibly have another loss right?

Then last week happened. The spotting started and I cried. I guess I was shocked that I cried because I told myself I wasn’t going to get attached because you just never know what can happen. I mean I went through a loss before. I already knew 1 in 3 pregnancies end is miscarriage.  But I was hopeful and excited!

This was the first pregnancy (besides my oldest daughter) where I didn’t have to use fertility meds. The first one that wasn’t planned months and months in advance, but nonetheless we quickly became excited and started planning.

Yesterday was the day when I miscarried yet again. I hadn’t even told that many people in real life, only a few of my closest friends and family. While my husband had told everyone he knows. I guess he was excited? I don’t know. Men never share their feelings.

We had agreed a year ago we were done having babies, so to find out we were expecting again was exciting and I thought for a small second maybe.. just maybe I would give my husband a son. I feel like such a failure again. I went through this a little over three years ago.

My heart is broken, and it’s so incredibly hard to see my other friends talking about morning sickness and sharing photos of their beautiful ultrasounds and tiny baby heartbeats.

I know I will get through this.. I have to but there is now another piece of my heart forever broken.

About the Author

Amanda Acuña an influential Mom Blogger created MommyMandy as an online resource to the parenting community. She has four children and they currently reside in Texas.

9 comments

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through what you have and know the sadness. I hope you are feeling better soon.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss Amanda. I have never been in this situation but I know that it is stressful, heart breaking, and just plain torture on your soul. But please, do not feel like a failure. Ever! You are not to blame. And you have not failed anyone. Lot of hugs and well wishes coming your way! Stay strong!

  3. I am very sorry for your loss. I had several losses myself, and I know that when I was pregnant recently…even up til the end I feared another loss. They will be with me forever

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